Molly Heartlone (The quote Master)

[Nessie the Emo Queen]

March 5, years ago
Well this thing is new to me. The world is new to me. I have been a vampire for about seven rises and sets of the moon. My quote today is "When someone wants to kill you, you're brave as a lion - and then when someone mentions dancing..." -Edward Cullen.

April 5, 1994
I know i haven't written in a while, but I just met a thestral. Her name is Mo. It's cool. My quote is today is "I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me...the thought of you, still, white, cold...to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses...it would be unendurable...you are the most important thing to me now, the most important thing to me ever."- Edward Cullen

June 16, 1996
What is wrong with me? I keep forgetting to write. I feel like drowning myself but I can't. My quote today is NOT a quote its a poem.

A Vampire's Kiss

Let me stroke your hair
Let me touch your skin
Give me just a taste
Tilt your chin

Lips upon your throat
Fangs within your veins
Sipping at your blood
Feel the pain

Cold may be my touch
Do not stop to think
You will be on fire
As I drink

July 1, 1996
I'm starting to learn to write in here everyday! OK just wait let's see if I write tomorrow. My quote today, "And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

July 2, 1996
I'm good. Today I experience an almost near death cliff jump. Well It didn't hurt me. It was kinda fun. My quote today is a poem. Twilight Dancer
You asked what you mean to me.
I know I would need more words than I have to explain -
angel wings, true light.. the kind which illuminates the soul.
How can I, in words, tell you how you have effected me.
How can I, bound to the sins of my past..
I, who has never and could never know the strength you have shown,
a strength you take for granted,
tell you what sharing that strength has meant to me?
A dancer in the shadows am I, young, angry, silly and weak.
How can I tell you what you have meant in my life?
How your firm direction has lead me into the light -
blinding, scalding, healing light.
How many nights have we sat on the phone, reliving our pain?
Words become gestures, caresses in the dark.
How can I explain the wounds you have healed?
How can I describe how your unflinching love has made me feel
worthy -
justified me.

I am still a dancer in the twilight, dusky deep
with the amethyst haze the night brings.
How can I, barely more than a child,
tell you how your wisdom, born of pain, has effected me?

Now the dance takes me to the border - the edge of meaningfulness.
How can I step from the formless safety of the life I have led,
to the trueness of the one I am offered?
Brave, heartless, beautiful and dangerous.
How can I tell you how you have effected me?

You take it all.
You collect the broken ones and
protect them in your tender hands.
What would happen if I learned to fly?
Closer to the edge I go... I fear.
There, I have said it. I fear.
Strange how those obtuse little letters can
combine and encapsulate a feeling.

A dancer in the dusky haze,
staring at the fire and the shimmering light.
Insubstantial as the heat rising from the road in summer.
I fear.
Yes, this does tell you the something of how you have effected me.
I know the truth.
I have washed my hands in the blood of innocents.
I have lived with pain so long I hardly know how to be otherwise.
I am transient.. I am shade.

Yes, I have said the word deserve -
and yes, there is no final justice in the world.
One should take as one can.
Yet, I sit, afraid.
I know pain, we are lovers.
The light of me - the light you claim to see, is an illusion.
Otherwise would I be able to see it.

Did you think one night would be enough?
Did you think our knowing would somehow make it right?
Can I let you take a rain check?
Do not shake your head. You know exactly what I mean.
I do not need a daddy, I already have one.
Sounds like a conscience to me - how peculiar.
Isn't my happiness the most important thing in the world?
That is the big voice speaking - the one which talked when I am not looking.
Of course I would like to be happy -
but could I be happy at an other's expense?
I have washed my hands in the blood of innocents.

The certainty of youth seems fleeting - fleeing.
What do you mean I am not the center of it all?
People endure, fight, fuck and die with out my consent?
This knowledge is somehow new to me..

Generation after generation
has passed from this plane and
still
and still
youth is blind.
I have been immortal.
I have been god and the devil - eternal and.. instant.
Yet.. and yet, as I stomp with the power born of pain to a goal I desire.
I am given pause.. by putting myself in their position.
Never to forgive - a lifetime's full of betrayal.
I have to worry about it - for it is real to me.
I am but a child myself - although perhaps of a different generation

Shame, this seems to be the word I am searching for.
Not a word I am comfortable with.. shame - do I wear it well?
Does it suit?
How can I tell you how you have affected me?
This concern - this thoughtful side of my soul seems.. tentative;
fresh from the nothingness of emptiness.

No, I am not kind, well I have been cruel - knowingly.
I have washed my hands in the blood of innocence and
watched it...
flow to the floor in crimson rivulets
pooling,
drying to blackness.

I am a dancer in the twilight,
I wear the dusk,
using pain as protection.
I want to be happy.
How do I, out of all humanity, know what will make me happy.
Can I be content at the cost?
There is no change given here.

I do not doubt - not the way it seems.
I know no regrets.
Yes, I grasp the truth of it,
the truth of you.
You said "I could not be the man you love..."
but could I be the woman you love, yes love,
and deny the potential for pain.. deny responsibility?
The mantle sites uneasily upon my shoulders.
Yes, I possess strength and I can suffer the weight.. but
this gift of a conscience - I wonder where I picked it up?
I wonder if I could give it back?

I have stepped out of self.. and seen the wholeness.
Consequences.. yes, the result of an action, can I cope?
Can I, with this new conscience, tolerate the results of my actions?
How happy do we have to be to equal out the equation?
We two are eternal.
Guide me, lead me, hear me, help me..
I am too new at this.

[Nessie the Emo Queen]

July sometime, 1996
I lost track of time. I'm so blood thirsty. My quote is a poem. The Vampire

One thousand years ago
I made a choice.

I chose to be beautiful,
to be be eternal,
to fly like I dreamed of flying.

The velvet night was
always my best friend -
my confidante, my solace
my keeper, my protector
my cloak, my haven and
my home.

To come home to the night
was good and true.

And to this day
I stand in front of windows
(old or modern, wood or steel),
flung wide open, curtains blowing,
breathing in the scents, the sounds
the sights of night,
so totally alive,
so beckoning, so siren calling
to the deepest, widest sense
of what is I.

August 1, 1996
Now I'm happy. I found a stupid pig and left the dumb body for the owner. My quote todays is a poem. Last Love Poem

This shall be the last love poem I'll ever write. I think of your touch. Did I say it felt like silk? Or your kiss, I said it felt like satin, I take everything back now.

I remember your touch, now it feels like needles scratching my skin, red hot pokers, like being burned on the stake. Your kiss is now poison, arsenic trickling down my throat, you're killing me, love has poisoned me. I'm dying.

I am dying. I thought love was real. As a child I would pretend I was a bride, dressed up in ribbons, pretending to be kissed, to be loved.

Now I sit in darkness, away from the crowds who laugh merrily, away from couples, lovers, strolling down the high-street, hand-in-hand. Everything seems perfect to them. It makes me sick.

People are blind. There is no love. I know that now. Ever since you took your fist and struck me hard, then after you would cradle me in your arms as if nothing had happened, as if the tears I wept wasn't because of the pain in my head and the bruise on my face, the bruise that you admired.

Look at me now and what I have become. I used to be your slave, I was blind because I thought I loved you, then you took your chance for I was helpless. Who would believe me if I said anything? But I didn't so the bruises kept on coming.

Now I am scarred for life. An existing wound. You have left me that way. I'm scared of meeting someone new. Scared of meeting with those bruises again. I live in fear. That is me. I hope you're happy now. It will take someone very strong to convince me into loving again. I've been blinded once before, I won't be blinded again.

[Nessie the Emo Queen]

August 7th, 1996

OK my head really hurts. I banged it on a rock and now I think I have a bump on it. My quote of the day is "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand..."-Edward Cullen

September 1st, 1996

My heads better. I really need to join a pack soon. I don't like being alone with Mo. She scares me a little. Quote time, "Would you please tell me what you're thinking? BEFORE I go mad?"-Edward Cullen.

[Nessie the Emo Queen]

September 2nd, 1996

I must keep wandering to find a pack. Mo is still scaring me. My quote to day is a poem. Dark Princess
deliberate act to bleed my soul
away from shadows secure and dry
revive the dreams forgotten and old
kiss my familiar fears goodbye
princess of my dark nights won't let me win
relentless force breaking logic's plight
immortal whispers haunt me again
negating reasons i have to fight
conquering wings wrap me up and then
erase all that i am out of sight